IC Voicemail, Driftfleet:

[tothefly]

[There is no recording, just a few clicks and a beep.]

[Leave any IC voice messages or texts for Natasha here.]

Comments

[experiencepoints]

... It sounds pathetic when I say it.

[This time, she just turns the glass up, intending to drain it all in one go before she continues.]

My parents are adventurers. My mother is an archmage, as far as I know one of the youngest to ever make that. My father's a Steelwall... Think a knight. Heavy armor, giant shields. Incredibly strong defense. His job is to protect the other fighters so they can attack properly.

That job pays really well, and they have other jobs on top of it. My mother helps maintain and strengthen the wards around the city, and my father takes jobs culling any monsters that get too close to the city. We were rich, to be blunt. Well-respected, upper-class. Attended social high-class parties, tried to make networks with other snobs, the works. My teammate back at the castle saw some of my memories... She thought I was a damn princess.

[She actually gives a dry laugh at that.]

But, that's beside the point. They were generally amazing people. They could do anything they put their mind to. I don't know if they've ever struggled with anything. They're probably some of the strongest people in the world, without exaggeration. They never made mistakes, and they never failed at anything. Anything they ever did was done perfectly, without any flaws or mistakes.

[She's taking a short pause to refill her glass, so if Natasha has anything to say, now's the time to say it.]

[tothefly]

[Natasha's perfectly fine taking her time with her own drink. Nightingale's the one who needs help getting through this. And apparently, 'this' is more than just being in the fleet itself. Talented, high-ranking parents. It's not a new story, regardless of the actual content, the application of magic.]

I'm guessing there were certain expectations of their firstborn. Only child?

[She does seem like the type.]

[experiencepoints]

Yeah. Only child.

They wanted a perfect little trophy child. Smart, pretty, talented at everything, polite and charming, everything. Someone they could use to hold themselves up higher, by having a child just as good as they were. They got me.

Anything or anyone not perfect is worthless, as far as they're concerned. And they made sure I knew that.

I graduated high school in second place, out of thousands of students. That made me a disappointment.

[tothefly]

Parents can be difficult. Parents with expectations are worse. It must have been a lot of pressure on you.

[Natasha never really had parents of her own. Her birth parents died when she was very young, and her surrogate father was only just that. Once she began training, there was no such thing as a parent. There was just the cause. Her instructors were the closest she got. But she understands the pressure to be perfect. Maybe even better than Nightingale. After all, there was always the threat of death if she got anything wrong.]

Were you disappointed?

[experiencepoints]

... It was just another step in a long chain of failure.

Eventually, I just shut down. Lost the ability to feel things, entirely. Dropped out of college, knocked my parents out and ran away from home, started freeloading off of my best friend. Started sleeping with her, not sure if it was using her to try to feel again, or trying to pay her back with the only thing I could. It seems like once they were out of my life, I had started to recover somewhat.

And then the world ended.

[tothefly]

[It's not a New story. Privileged girl with privileged life meets expectations set too high, loses way, ends up in a self-destructive spiral. Only the ending really piques her curiosity, something new, and it shows by the spark in her eye.]

When you say ended...

[experiencepoints]

Ended. Destroyed. Annihilated. Unmade. There used to be a planet there, and now there isn't. But that can wait.

... Are you disappointed?

[she manages a bitter, lopsided grin.]

You seemed to think I was interesting, but it turns out, I'm just another cliche story. Rich girl couldn't handle her life, flunks out of everything, so she turns into a drunken waste of space, a worthless person from start to finish. Bet you've heard it a million times before.

[tothefly]

[The look on her face changes subtly, her focus entirely directed at Nightingale, not her story. Not the girl she was, the one she is now. There's something just a little alien in Natasha's eyes as she studies her companion, something cool and assessing.]

What do you want me to tell you?

[experiencepoints]

That there's more alcohol.

[She isn't sure she knows how to want anything else anymore. Anything else she wants, she'll never get, after all.]

[tothefly]

[Natasha doesn't blink, only pours another small amount in both glasses. She's quiet a moment longer, but before Nightingale starts up again, she speaks, voice measured.]

I could tell you you're the most special of snowflakes, and that no one has ever truly suffered as you have, and I could make you believe it. I could tell you yes, that story makes you horrible, and that I'm disgusted by you, and I think I could make you believe that without even trying, since that seems to be what you think you deserve.

Truth is, there's no such thing as a unique backstory, not really. Not for any of us. It's all the same. We're born, we live, we second-guess, we hurt ourselves and we hurt other people. We're alone, except when we're not, and then we die. Doesn't matter what world you're from. The story isn't what makes someone interesting.

[experiencepoints]

[She moves her glass back and forth, but doesn't drink yet, instead just taking in Natasha's words.]

... You're not wrong, about what I deserve. That must be why I'm here.

[tothefly]

What you think you deserve?

[The correction is small, but important, gently emphasized.]

We aren't here to be measured for our actions. I don't know exactly what we are here for yet, but I can tell you that.

[experiencepoints]

I wonder? All I wanted for a long time was to just... Not be alive anymore. Not that that was possible. But then it happened, and now that I'm dead, all that's changed is that I'm alone. Everyone who liked being alive is gone, and I'm the only one left. It feels like a punishment.

[tothefly]

Leaving aside our current existential quandary--since I'm not entirely convinced this still isn't some massive virtual prison, and you're sure you're dead--why do you think it isn't any better? What could change to make you happy?

[experiencepoints]

... Seeing Yura again.

[tothefly]

Was Yura one of the friends you left, back before you left your world? Or...before it was destroyed, I'm still not clear on that.

[experiencepoints]

The world was destroyed.

Yeah. She was... My best friend at home, since we were in elementary school. The same friend I was freeloading off of.

[tothefly]

The one you were sleeping with.

[No judgement in that, either. We all make choices.]

What would having her here change? Is it just having someone else from home?

[experiencepoints]

Someone from home, so I don't feel like I'm crazy whenever all of this is so alien to me. Someone who understands me, and knows me, and can maybe help fill in my life around the amnesia.

... And, she's the one I've been in love with for a long time, so...

[tothefly]

So it would be better, having her around.

[She understands, at least a little.]

What do you think she'd say about all this?

[experiencepoints]

About my being a mess, or this... entire place? She'd be pretty excited to be on TV.

[tothefly]

About this. All of it. The show, the ships, the planets we visit. Would she have liked the ice planet or the beach planet better?

[It's a place to start. Maybe it'll make things worse, talking about these memories, this person, but sometimes that pain of remembering can end up its own catharsis.]

[experiencepoints]

[There's an amused but totally undignified snort of laughter.]

Would the half-cat person prefer freezing her ass off or an unlimited supply of fish? No contest.

[tothefly]

[Laughter is good. Laughter is a start. Natasha smiles, herself.]

Your point is made.

You said your world had lots of different races, right? Cat people, merpeople, elves. Everyone more or less got along?

[experiencepoints]

Beast Tribe. They can have traits of any animal.

[she shakes her head.]

Not really. Beast Tribe and humans are... mostly okay now, except for... a few certain holdouts. The last war between humans and Beast Tribe ended five hundred years ago, when a party banded together to kill the god of war, Tyrfing.

Elves... The elves that live in the city are great, but the forest elves... Well. They kill anyone who sets foot in their forest, no questions asked. Their culture is kind of shit. My friend Araj escaped from there with her family.

Merfolk... we only made contact with them about thirty... Probably closer to thirty-five, that memory was in high school. Thirty five years ago. We don't know much about them, but Cove is a good friend, and ridiculously strong.