IC Voicemail, Driftfleet:

[tothefly]

[There is no recording, just a few clicks and a beep.]

[Leave any IC voice messages or texts for Natasha here.]

Comments

[tothefly]

[Natasha notes each scar in turn, not flinching. Gunshots, burns, cuts--the faint signs of malnutrition--it's nothing she hasn't seen before. She has her own share of scars, though many of them you don't notice without getting very, very close. Scars are identifying marks. A good spy, a good assassin, can't have many of those. And as she listens, she puts the pieces together. Heart, she's assuming, is a metaphor, like those inner rooms she'd visited during what Atroma playfully called 'calibrations.' Aiya, she'd said she was, before she was shattered. Were Sparrow and Bluebird nicknames, given names like Nightingale? She has to assume so. If that place was anything like Atroma, like the places she's heard others talk about, it's likely. They all seem to have specific rules.

But those rules have done a lot of damage here. She's not very good at compassion, but she does very well at anger. At understanding this sort of thing, at least, and when she speaks again there's something else in her voice, a certain insistence.]

Just because you can't see them doesn't mean the scars aren't there. And every now and then, you'll meet someone who understands that. But scars don't mean you're broken. They mean you've survived. Not everyone manages that. Not everyone is strong enough. Just like not everyone is strong enough to hear about it secondhand.

You've talked about XP before. Do people level up, back in your original world?

[experiencepoints]

I didn't have a choice but to survive. We're always brought back afterwards, and it's not like we can escape.

[That's a weird tangent, but it's something to focus on besides how hurt she is, so she seizes onto this topic to talk about it.]

... Yeah. I'm... I lost all of my skills back at the castle, so in regaining them, I've gained something called an 'effective level', which is... weird. That wasn't something I'd ever heard of before. But my effective level is below my actual one, and goes up when I regain my skills.

Right now, I'm effective level 21 as a mage, 3 as a healer, and 1 as a lancer.

[tothefly]

There's always a choice. You sacrificed yourself to save your teammates. You fought for your memories. You didn't just give up. It counts for more than you think.

[Maybe it seems like a weird tangent, but trust her, there's a purpose. She takes a moment, considers, then tries the analogy.]

Think of friendship as something requiring levels. When people are level one, they learn the surface of you. Your name, how you speak, general ideas and broad brushstrokes. Your first impressions. At level two, they learn a little more. What you think of most, how you act in a new situation. At three, they learn your motivations, or some of them, what drives you. A level one friend can't learn level three things about you, just like a level one mage couldn't do a level three spell, right? It takes time, and effort. It's not a perfect analogy, but it's something to consider.

[experiencepoints]

The problem there is I don't know who is what level, or... Much of anything about myself that's the low-level stuff.

[tothefly]

You did fine the first time we talked. Back on the beach planet. We talked about reality, what Atroma might really be, what's waiting for us. I'm probably not your best litmus for this sort of thing, but...it was a good start. We just talked. Was it that hard?

[experiencepoints]

It... really kind of is. I don't know what I did differently back then? I just said what I thought, like always.

[tothefly]

Sometimes it's about speaking your mind. Sometimes it's about knowing what part of your mind to speak. As confusing as that gets.

[experiencepoints]

That really is too confusing...

[tothefly]

It gets easier. Especially if you ask them questions about themselves. Where they're from, who they left behind--once you hear someone talk about themselves, it's easier to know what to share of you.

[experiencepoints]

I... guess so. Ask about themselves, share something similar, and... Use the common ground to become friends, I guess?

[tothefly]

That's the basic idea. [She smiles then, and it's not a smirk or one of the larger, practiced looks she uses most frequently. This one is small, a little crooked but genuine.] I knew you were a fast learner.

[experiencepoints]

That seems... surprisingly mechanical...

[tothefly]

When you really get down to it, it's all a numbers game. There's emotion involved, sure, but...everyone's got buttons to push, however you mean it when you do.

[This is probably the most honest, and most pragmatic, thing she's ever said to anyone here.]

[experiencepoints]

... Just like combat, huh? Find what's effective, and use that...

[this will surely not backfire on her later.]

[tothefly]

More or less. I have a friend who'd disagree. Who says that it's all about making a connection naturally, just being yourself, but he tends to expect more from people than they can sometimes give.

We all do it differently. May as well find the way that works for you.

[Hey, she's not dead from it yet...]

[experiencepoints]

Yeah, just being yourself is probably a lot easier when half of yourself isn't missing.

[tothefly]

Being yourself is easier when you know who that's supposed to be.

[Soft agreement. She understands better than anyone thinks.]

[experiencepoints]

No kidding... Makes it hard to get a date, too.

[tothefly]

Oh, I don't know about that. A long-term relationship, maybe, but a date? You have everything you need for that.

[experiencepoints]

I tried asking someone here out once.

She immediately vanished from the Fleet entirely.

[tothefly]

And you let that stop you from trying again? None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow, here or anywhere else. May as well live while you can.

[experiencepoints]

I guess, but...

[she sighs]

If I go into my romantic problems, that's an even bigger mess than the rest of it.

[tothefly]

[She smiles again, amused but not condescending.]

Romance always comes with messes. Half of what makes them fun.

There are other women in the fleet who are interested in women. Plenty of interesting ladies on some of the stations we dock at, too. What's the harm in a little flirting?

[experiencepoints]

[... she thunks her head down on the counter.]

I sort of... already have a crush...

On three separate people.

[tothefly]

[Her smile only grows wider as she arches her eyebrows.]

So, you've got options. Go for it. We might not be here tomorrow, so...